Things that go “bump”


It’s official – every fifth woman I encounter on the street, on the bus, on the (dreaded) tube, in shops, everywhere basically, is with child. Ok maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration. Every eighth or ninth woman. And that’s not counting those who aren’t showing yet. Yes it’s an epidemic which has been blamed on the recession: no money to go out = cuddling in bed + shenanigans = baby explosion. It still makes me chuckle childishly when I think about it and I desperately want to point at people and say “I know why you’re pregnant, haha. Here’s a tenner, go to the cinema instead!”

It was all fun till I read in the papers last week that the UK has a problem with population growth (tell me something new) because last year – wait for it – immigration was responsible for half the astounding 470,000 increase in population. Gasp! Who knew? (if you didn’t figure it out already, I’m being sarcastic).

Even if the facts are true, what annoyed me about the report is that we are now conditioned by the media so that once we read immigrants, we think of the “obvious” immigrants – Blacks, Arabs and Asians and not necessarily all the less obvious European, American or Australian immigrants. In true scaremonger style, The Daily Mail had a photograph of Asian and Middle Eastern people on its website to prove its point. The irate and borderline racist comments following some of the articles I read online just go to prove my point (well done Daily Mail, you win again). Most of the comments made me cringe but I was relieved to see some commonsense points being raised (a large percentage of immigrants are Eastern European and allowed by the EU to float in and out of the country without visas so where were their suggestive photographs in the articles?) – but sadly not enough to make up for the others.

Then I read in the same week on both the Daily Mail’s and other websites that the British birth rate has fallen! Confused? Yes I was too. Turns out (professional) British women are putting off having babies till later because of the recession so now instead of the expected 2.1 children per women, they are stuck on 1.64 (don’t you just love those decimal points). So the population is at this unsustainable rising level because old people are living longer and immigrants are flooding the country and having babies. The future must sound bleak to BNP members. In about 20 years not only will the UK be overridden with foreigners, the only Brits around will be old and not able to procreate to save the indigenous race.

I didn’t start this blog to go on about political issues but I couldn’t let the week pass without writing about this. As I go forth into the world and observe all the lovely bumps around me, I’ll spare a thought for all the “immigrants” who will be getting dirty looks from indigenous citizens for daring to have more than 2.1 children. Viva stereotypes! Viva commonsense!

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  1. Hmmmmm…Intewestiiiiing.

    So unemployment leads to horniness?……I can vouch for that (Lmao)

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