Battle of the Blurbs

After what feels like an eternity, The Altercation of Vira is finally on the brink of being released to the world. More on that later. A few weeks ago, I put up what I thought would be Vira’s blurb but it has gone through a major revamp since then (thanks to my very helpful agent/muse/sister). I was never really happy with the previous blurb as it was a bit too wordy and sounded more like a synopsis than a marketing blurb. Also, for a fantasy story, it didn’t really scream fantasy. So, as the title of this post suggests, I’m opening the debate up to my readers. New vs old. Comments, if any, will be gratefully received.
 New Blurb:
“The people of Vira have long awaited the arrival of their lost princess, Elve. Legend has foretold a season of great change in the dawn of her return. For the Maracans, she brings the promise of fortified control over their rival kindred. For the Cefans, a glimmer of hope in an existence filled with oppression.  
The only problem is their princess is eighteen year old Ama Brown, an ordinary girl living an ordinary life, who has no idea that she is about to be drawn into a world where an age old battle is brewing and nothing is quite as it seems.”
Old Blurb:
“Ama Brown has lived a mundane life so far; small town, small dreams and even smaller conquests. News that her best friend Mel is leaving the country with his girlfriend does even less to excite her. As she drives to the city to bid him farewell, everything changes when she encounters a group of people who believe she is a long lost heiress from a parallel realm called Vira. Ama is whisked away to a world she didn’t realise existed, where she finds herself in the middle of an age-old battle between two rival clans.
When Ama fails to arrive in the city, Mel goes in search of her and on his way encounters a young girl and boy who transport him to Vira to rescue her. While Ama struggles to discover who she truly is, the clock ticks as Mel realises that he and Ama have ended up on opposite sides and a clash is brewing that will endanger both their lives.”
    • razoo3214
    • February 3rd, 2012

    I am here to second the motion that new blurb trumps old blurb!

    • Anonymous
    • February 3rd, 2012

    New blurb!

  1. I’ve just received a text vote for the new blurb so that’s three to zero so far. Looking good for the new.

  2. New one, for sure – for a reader-enticing blurb. Doing a synopsis is so, so hard though (the times I’ve tried for my stuff I’ve failed miserably. I’ll probably need to do a workshop or course eventually). So don’t discard the original one – if I were a publisher, that’s the one I’d probably want to read!

    • Thanks. I still haven’t mastered the synopsis trick but I think I might be getting better with practise. I might take a leaf out of your book and sign up for a course though…

      • btdub
        For Synopsis practice start by pitching to yourself the essence of the story in that 26words or less style & grow it from there

  3. To quote Barney Stinson: “New Is Always Better!” (Lol)

    Seriously though, like you said, compared to the new, the old felt like a Synopsis rather that a blurb.

    & btw,

    She always felt older than 18 to me….ew, i’ll rephrase;
    She always SEEMED older than 18 to me

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